He stands in the doorway heavy tears running silently down his face. Mom pulls the seatbelt across Grandma who sits in the front passenger seat of our small gray economy car mumbling, “Where am I?” over and over. Crammed into the back seat, my younger brother, little sister, and I glumly keep our thoughts to ourselves. Today is a dismal fall day only underscoring the feelings we all share. She was leaving him after fifty-seven years of marriage; forced to by dementia that Grandpa could no longer tolerate nor cope with.
For ten years we had been losing our Grandma. She couldn’t remember where she lived, how old she was, how to cook, brush her teeth, take out her partial denture or rinse her mouth. She wasn’t allowed to shop alone, couldn’t be trusted to walk outside and no longer happily made Thanksgiving dinner wearing her red and white striped apron. When I was a little girl I stood on the stairs behind the kitchen sink while Grandma was washing the dishes. I asked her how old she was. “A woman never tells her age” she replied. In reality she just didn’t remember. Caring for her alone the last few years, Grandpa had helped her bathe, dress and comb her hair. When she first started getting confused he never took her to the doctor and never confided in family members or friends. How could he shame her by revealing to others that she was losing her mind? So he faithfully sheltered her and let us blame him for her failing health. She was dropping weight and no longer had her usual healthy glow; he must not be feeding her everyone thought. He hunted all over the house trying to find her hearing aid, wedding rings, glasses and teeth. Grandma always said, “Nat knows just how to do it.” Of course he did. He was her world. Stuck inside all day, she scuffled around the house in her red bathrobe with the falling off lace trim and dragging hem talking to the walls. Her days were spent opening and closing drawers, picking up various bells from her collection and ringing them, brushing crumbs off the table and counters and asking the same questions over and over like the drip drip drip of a leaky faucet.
Grandpa dropped Grandma off at the hair salon and dental office while he ran errands and she had no clue where she was or what to do. Little did the beautician or dentist know they were providing an invaluable service to an elderly man who desperately needed to be alone so he could go to the post office, bank, and the store without wondering if his wife would still be in the car when he got back.
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