On the other side of the wall I was lying in my warm bed wondering if I should get up or hope she would go back to sleep on her own. Slowly I pulled myself up and threw off the covers and felt my way in the dark to her room.
"Grandma, get back in bed."
"What? Who are you?"
Louder now so she could hear me I say, "Grandma, get into bed."
"What? Where am I? Where am I?"
I walk her to the bed holding her elbow to guide her there. I point to the bed. Firmly I demand, "Get in bed." She gets into bed, lies down, stares at me with her blank eyes. "Go to sleep",
"What?"
"Close your eyes. It's time to sleep." She closes her eyes. I silently walk back to the door, the hinges squeak. I pause and look back. She didn't hear, thank God. I walk to my room, lie down, pull the now cold covers over me and snuggle down into my bed trying to revive the heat. On the other side of the wall she calls out, "Where am I ? I don't know where I am." I hear her trying to get out of bed. Angrily, I throw the covers back, storm to her room and yell, "Be quiet! Go to sleep!" She lays down and stares at me. At least she has stopped talking. I go to the door and wait. " Where am I? " she begins again. I suck air into my lungs and exhale heavily. "Grandma! Go. To. Sleep. Be quiet!" She shuts up. I sit in the chair by her bed for a few minutes to see if she will actually fall asleep. The time goes by slowly and I begin to doze off. She seems good so I get back into bed. The clock says 1:30. Darn! I have to get up for work at 6:00. My blood pressure goes up and now I can't fall back to sleep. I hate this. If Grandma is not my responsibility then why am I the one getting up in the night? Why do I loose sleep and go to work at 7:00 in a daze and struggle to stay awake throughout the day? Duty cackles in the night and mocks me all day.
Mom thought maybe a sedative would help Grandma sleep at night and relieve her restlessness during the day. However, despite the low dose of medication she fell in to a strange trance-like state. Pills were not the answer. In a blurred existence she would be prone to falling and less responsive. So I kept putting Grandma back to bed. Some nights it was impossible. I sat next to her in the white chair and waited for sleep to come over her still body. If she started to talk I told her to go back to sleep. Eventually I could go back to my bed and hope against the odds she would truly fall asleep. But after so many frustrating nights I just couldn't handle it and how unfair I felt it was that I had to be the one to take care of putting her back to bed. I decided to just go get Mom and let her take over and try to stay out of it. Enough was enough. Mom said I could come and get her if I heard Grandma get up. Even though I had to go all the way downstairs and walk through our big farm house and go get her in the middle of the night, I did it. This could not continue to be my problem.
We left the bathroom light on in Grandma's room so if she did get up she could see where she was going and be safer than in the pitch dark. One night while she was opening and closing drawers and rummaging through the closet Grandma found a bra which she thought was a hat and red formal gloves which she put on like slippers. The second Mom opened the door to get her settled back into bed I heard gales of laughter. I ran down the hall to see what the heck was going on and there Grandma was standing as if she was the Queen of England. Mom was dying of laughter and gasping as tears streamed down her face. Grandma had no idea what on earth was so funny. But we took her sage advice she would often share in those early days: "If you don't laugh you'll go crazy." We laughed together and let off some steam and put Grandma back to bed. Again.
Mom thought maybe a sedative would help Grandma sleep at night and relieve her restlessness during the day. However, despite the low dose of medication she fell in to a strange trance-like state. Pills were not the answer. In a blurred existence she would be prone to falling and less responsive. So I kept putting Grandma back to bed. Some nights it was impossible. I sat next to her in the white chair and waited for sleep to come over her still body. If she started to talk I told her to go back to sleep. Eventually I could go back to my bed and hope against the odds she would truly fall asleep. But after so many frustrating nights I just couldn't handle it and how unfair I felt it was that I had to be the one to take care of putting her back to bed. I decided to just go get Mom and let her take over and try to stay out of it. Enough was enough. Mom said I could come and get her if I heard Grandma get up. Even though I had to go all the way downstairs and walk through our big farm house and go get her in the middle of the night, I did it. This could not continue to be my problem.
We left the bathroom light on in Grandma's room so if she did get up she could see where she was going and be safer than in the pitch dark. One night while she was opening and closing drawers and rummaging through the closet Grandma found a bra which she thought was a hat and red formal gloves which she put on like slippers. The second Mom opened the door to get her settled back into bed I heard gales of laughter. I ran down the hall to see what the heck was going on and there Grandma was standing as if she was the Queen of England. Mom was dying of laughter and gasping as tears streamed down her face. Grandma had no idea what on earth was so funny. But we took her sage advice she would often share in those early days: "If you don't laugh you'll go crazy." We laughed together and let off some steam and put Grandma back to bed. Again.
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