It is dark and rainy on a chilly November night. A father hurries his two teenagers and little girl across the slippery parking lot littered with soggy leaves. They approach a mysterious looking cobblestone building which seems an unlikely place for a meeting. The doorway is gloomily lit by an orange light and they silently hurry inside. Bright florescent lights blind them temporarily as they walk down a hallway to the offices of the Alzheimer's Association. A petite friendly lady directs the young people to a side room with a large rectangular table and ten empty chairs. The dad follows the lady down the hall further to the adult room. This was the first time they ever attended a support group.
It was our first and last time at that particular support group. A kind woman about 35 years old was our facilitator. She was nice but she just wasn't very interesting or intuitive. She asked questions and guided the flow of the group's choppy sort of discussion. Most of the talking came from a thirteen year old girl who went on and on about her grandfather who was getting violent in his Alzheimer's and ruining her parents' marriage. When she finally finished her story we watched a video, went through a few more questions, and then had some pizza and cider. Gratefully, we put on our wet coats and left. We laughed about it later, how it was so lame and jeez what the heck were we supposed to discuss anyways? Alzheimer's pretty much sucks and that's about it. I was glad we weren't the only ones dealing with it though. At least one other girl had Alzheimer's related frustrations and at least she got to get some of that off her chest. In the adults' room Dad was encouraged by the reminder that even though he may be forgetful that was NOT a sign of the disease. If he couldn't find his keys that was normal and ok. If he had his keys but didn't know what to do with them that would be a different story. That reassurance was all the support Dad seemed to need.
Thankfully, Mom found a group that gave her some deep down support that was necessary for her as a care-giver. She was able to learn from a couple of ladies who lead the group and were the care-givers for a dementia daycare facility. Since they were care-giving they had the hands on credentials for offering advice. For my mom the group was invaluable because it was a two way street. She could learn from others and be understood but also she could share her story with others and feel like she was helping them in their care-giving ups and downs. The ladies who lead the group weren't social workers who could facilitate a discussion. No, these two ladies were heroes and hard-core nurses willing to take on the burden of dementia as a full-time job so the members of their daycare could be safe while their care-givers got a much deserved break. I went to a few of the meetings with Mom and came away from them impressed by the wisdom exchanged in the couple of hours we were there. Mom really got a shot of I got your back empathy and keep going you got this support she needed to keep her head above the never ending waters of dealing with Alzheimer's every day.
