Poem: Train

 I've been thinking over a concept for about two years and decided to try to put it in to a poem. So many times life throws the bad at us while something beautiful is happening. One day our family was enjoying the last day of a fun soccer season. The weather was sunny, breezy and warm. The kids were jumping into the van laughing and sharing stories of the day's games and the pizza party. We had the together feeling; family and goodness. I remember thinking it was a perfect moment of joy. Then I got a text letting us know that a family we had been investing in had lost their young mom to suicide. It stopped me in my tracks, sitting in the front seat in shock. And that's what life is like. The beautiful and the devasting happen often right at the same time. Maybe it's grace? Enough good to help us in the trials?

Train

On the train

Tattered overnight bag in my lap

Leather handles smooth in my fingers

Seats are empty

I travel alone

Quiet

The tracks under the floor rumble in a comforting rhythm

Strange experience this 

Train

I look out 

Clear window on my left

I inhale deeply

Beauty

Green leafy trees brush glass as the 

Train ticks by

Bright sunshine

Soft breeze

Children laughing on a set of swings, higher and higher

Picnic table by a lake

Shining water in the light

A trail up a mountainside

Log cabin with a stream of gray smoke 

Ascending in a smooth line

A couple holding hands

Walking along a white sandy beach

Toes in the water at the shoreline

A little town with a coffeeshop 

Scent of fresh bacon sizzling and coffee brewing fills the 

Train car

I inhale deeply

Smile

Stretch my legs out in front of me

My seat is soft and velvety

I look to my right

Rub my eyes

Suddenly

Dark

Shadows blur by

Trees have turned into

Claws

Sun to 

Rain pelting the windows, they start to 

Crack

How long before the break and

Shatter in the storm

The breeze is an angry wind

Lightening cuts the sky, explodes

Sparks burst into the darkness

Train tips and shakes

I grab the seat in front of me

Hold tightly

My grip is the only thing

Holding me steady

Long cruel arms of the trees

Wrap around the train

Try to rip it from the track

All is darkness

Until

I look to the left

Calm

Snow falling gently

Pure white feathers

Floating down 

Covering the land in inches then feet of 

Downy diamonds

Sweet cinnamon fills the air

Warmth

My bag pops open

A thermos of hot coffee, a sweet roll are ready

I pour coffee into a pink mug

Sip, savor, relish the richness

Sweet roll to my lips

Is this heaven?

Mug warming my cold hands

Look to the right

Darkness, fury, storm

I close my eyes

Warm hands, quiet breath

Music begins

Melody of gladness

Strain of dissonance, conflict

Then clear, gentle, bright

Melody

Flute trilling the song

Bluebird rising

Life.

photo credit: Dirk Vetter/ pixabay

Poem: Frost (yes, another one with the same title)

 

Frost

Grass covered

Millions of 

Ice crystals 

Sparkling in the 

Early morning light

Coming up over the hillside

Still

Every day

Morning the same 

Cold

Frigid wind

Hitting me 

Again

Even after a cold winter

Now in the springtime

Still

Cold frost

On the grass

Still

Coldness

Why?

A separateness

Quiet distance

Even after time has passed

Where beauty bloomed

I look for dew

A sign the cold

Is gone, but

Still

Frigid

Ice in the air

Between us and I don't

Understand why

In the springtime

After a cold winter

Still

Frost.

Poems: Silhouette

 

Silhouette

My leaves have fallen

One

By

One

In the wind

They have flown away

Floating

Swirling

In the autumn

After a lush year

I was so full

So plump with green

My shade was 

Perfect

Cool on

Burning days

And then I was 

Red

Perfect

Brilliance on every leaf

Bright and even shocking

In my beauty

As the sun dimmed

My red turned

Less resplendent

Until the first frost

Days to weeks

Red to brown

Gone

Taken across the hills

Now I am 

Bare

No shade or 

Crimson sequins

Bare arms stretch

Beauty gone or

Is it just

Different

In the winter dusk

A silhouette left

Each edge revealed

For what it is

Always there

Beneath the 

Lush and the red

Strong, firm, unwavering

When the winds came 

The frost circled and I let go of

Expectations and giving

And stood tall

My branches bold

I invited a rosy sky to 

Come and fill in the 

Empty spaces 

To show my 

Silhouette

Strong firm 

Standing tall in

Winter.

photo credit: Katrin from Pixabay

Poetry: Frost

 I took a lovely writing course called Winter Writing Sanctuary by Beth Kempton. Her Calm Christmas podcast was the perfect relaxing listening I needed to help me get into the Christmas mood so I checked out her free course for the week in between Christmas and New Years. The next few posts I'll share the poems I wrote.

Frost

Walking down the gravel path

Sun warming my face, my hair

Air as I exhale turning to a soft fog in the

Cold

Shoulders relaxing, weight lifting

Legs stretching forward

Breathing

Beauty

Fields

Strands of green winter wheat

Growing even in the 

Cold

Morning

Frost melting the tips of

White outlined strands

Frozen

In the wind

Frost

Shining

Unexpected

Beauty lifting weight of

Grief, life, one thing after another

Sun

Peeking up, rising over the fields

Opening my 

Gaze to find

Unexpected

Beauty even on a brown stalk of feathered grass from the

Season gone by

Days of heat and rain now

Cold

Clear

Sparkling

Frost

Favorite Things

 Time has flown by and while I had hopes for getting a website launched and waited for that, the wait stalled my blogging. I wasn't sure if I should blog more or just wait for the website. As I plan for the next thing I thought it was about time to get back to the blog. So we'll see where the future of sarahswritingcafe ends up and for now get back to basics here.

This year we have a senior! What? Oh my goodness. Yes! "The days are long but the years are short". I'm not sure who originally said this but Gretchin Rubin quotes this often on her podcast Happier. And you cannot get a better summation of the motherhood/parenting experience. Some days feel like an eternity when you are home with babies all day. Then snap your fingers and your oldest child is a senior in high school and making plans for college and buying a car. Looking back I wouldn't trade the hard days: the teething, the tears over schoolwork, sleepless nights, hot sweaty hours balancing a bike without training wheels, coaching through teen struggles. Here we are and the bond we have runs deep. The beautiful moments (Look Mama I can...moments, seeing countless smiles for all the heartfelt wins from first Bible quizzing awards to getting her license) outweigh the struggles and looking over her senior photos my heart wells with thankfulness for the journey already passed and the road ahead. For privacy reasons I won't share our favorite senior photos but I love them all and our photographer did such an amazing job: Honest to Goodness Photography

My favorite new gadget is this drink adapter for my van. Gone are the days of my water bottle rolling all over the place. It also holds my favorite healthy treat: Sobol smoothie bowl. It's adjustable so pretty much anything from a bowl to a coffee fits nicely. This would make the perfect gift or stocking stuffer.

Kayaking! If you've never gone you should try it out. The tricky part for me is balancing the kayak getting in or out but if you can use a boat launch and walk into the water it helps tremendously. I also have an open top so I don't feel like my legs will get stuck and my kayak is short and slides right up the the middle of my van and I can get the trunk shut easily. Just slide it in and GO! I love the feeling of sitting in the water and paddling fast or slow is so calming and peaceful. We also have 2 inflatable kayaks and they are smooth in the water and an easy way to get started, transport, and store. The bonus is that the Intex Kayaks are more affordable and come with a paddle and a pump.

Since 2017 I've been a huge fan of Chatbooks. It's been a lifesaver and game changer to keep up with all my photos and get them off of my phone and into our hands. I do all of it on an easy to use app right on my iPhone. The kids love getting their Chatbooks in the mail (who is on the cover this time?) and often I see them with a stack on the couch browsing through for fun. No more bulky photo albums taking up space or taking forever for me to finally finish. If you want to try out Chatbooks let me know and I might be able to get you a coupon code.

Hope you enjoy my latest favorite picks!

Feel free to leave a comment and share what you are loving right now!

Thought for Today: Connections With Jesus

I've struggled on and off with the lack of connection I've felt to the Bible as a woman of faith. Since the Bible is the foundation of my faith as a Christ follower, I have felt disappointed on occasion with its lack of relevance to women. So, I take notice when something strikes a chord with me. Recently, I was listening to a pastor speak about John the Baptist from the book of Matthew. What he said about John's character seemed inaccurate. So, I took a closer look at the book of Matthew and that's when I started to see and experience a new connection to Jesus.

John the Baptist was Jesus's cousin. How I see it, they were close because their mothers were close. Mary hurried  (Luke 1:39) to John's mother Elizabeth when she found out she was expecting the Christ-child before her marriage to Joseph. She trusted Elizabeth enough to share her dangerous truth. When both expectant mothers met for the first time since they had become pregnant, the baby leapt in Elizabeth's womb. Then Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. These women were bound together in the strange plight of mothering boys who would change the world forever. Later as Jesus was entering his ministry he came to John, his cousin, to be baptized. He could have gone to a leader in the the Jewish community but he went to John. When important things are about to happen, Jesus and John are together. They are family and chosen by God to fulfill His plan. 

Eventually, John is imprisoned for speaking out against the immoral King Herod and Jesus is busy healing people, raising the dead, and preaching good news to the poor. ((Matthew 11:1-6) John is wondering if Jesus is going to come or should he expect someone else. To do what exactly? To break him out of prison? To bring down the criminals in the government? But Jesus does not go to John. He continues doing what He was here to do. Jesus sends a message to John with the details of what He is doing and the last sentence is a sort of apology and a blessing for John if he does not loose faith. He continues rescuing people, but Jesus chooses to not rescue his cousin. Even though Jesus was God in the flesh he was still human and had to obey the will of His Father. He knew the danger John was in, yet He did not intervene. The Bible doesn't go into any details of what this was like for Jesus, but I can only imagine it was probably one of the most difficult experiences of heart Jesus ever had to endure. What does it feel like to have all the power in your hands to save your own cousin from an unjust death and not help, to not be there at all? This was God's plan. Or maybe it was the plan of the evil rulers of that period of history which God would eventually turn into good for the world. Eventually, the inevitable happened. John was beheaded in prison.

Jesus hears the news of John's death and what does He do? He gets into a boat alone and rows or paddles or sails away from it all and heads to a secluded place. (Matthew 14:13) Yes. This speaks to me. I see you Jesus in your humanity, in your grief. There are no words (to my knowledge) in the Bible that speak about this. And maybe it's because there are no words. Period. A family member dying alone in a prison. I see you Jesus dealing with that. Knowing it was going to happen, dreading the hour, knowing you can't be there to comfort or help or rescue. I see you Jesus. I've been there too Jesus. The prison was a hospital and it was my mother there alone, unjustly kept from her family. I know the struggle and pain of being kept away and having to continue to do all the usual things I was meant to be doing. And I see this moment when you get into a boat. Alone. Privately. You head to the water. And breathe. 

As soon as Jesus is away from it all the crowds follow Him on foot. They could see Him from a distance trying to be alone just for a while. When He comes ashore they are there waiting with all of their needs and He has compassion on them. (Matthew 14:14) He could've gotten back in the boat and said He was grieving and worn out, but He instead heals the sick. I see you here Jesus. Tired. Grieving. Needing to be alone on the shore but people are there needing you to help them. When life is hard, time does not stop, as much as I would like it to, just for a day. Instead the people you love still need you to meet their needs. Evening comes and they are in a remote place. Everyone is hungry. Jesus's close friends are ready to send the people back to town for food. But Jesus, weary from grief and caring for thousands of people all day, makes dinner. And not just for Himself. He makes 5,000 dinners. Oh yes, every mom can relate to this. And if Jesus kept it simple then we can too but the dinners still need to be made. Even the 4,456th dinner. Thankfully, the disciples each had a leftover basket to take home. No lunches to make the next day!

After eating dinner, Jesus sends the disciples away in the boat while He stays to dismiss the crowd. Once He sends each one on their way, He finally gets a while to Himself up on the mountainside. (Matthew14:22-23) Does He take a nap or build a campfire? No. He prays. Jesus shows us what to do when there are thousands of meals to make, sick ones to care for, relatives to grieve, teaching, and helping to be done. It's time to get alone and pray. It's time to send people on their way and get close with The Father. Alone. 

In the next part of the chapter Jesus walks on water to meet the disciples. There are still more lessons to teach His friends about what faith really means. For me, the lessons in this section are about seeing Jesus. So many times I want God to see me, to meet me, to help me in my daily stresses. But, maybe God wants me to see more of Him, to understand that He came as a human to lead the way so that when life is hard I know He's been there too and He understands what it's like. He cares. He knows.

photo credit: alexander andrews

                                    

Hope Week 4: Only 9 months late

 Nine months ago I was writing about HOPE. I was writing about recognizing beauty everywhere. I was inspired to write about heaven and a soul who awakens on a beautiful beach and dives into a cool refreshing lake of water to discover the floor is covered by small glass bottles; the bottles of tears stored up there by God from a hurting soul below. Writing about Hope felt, well, hopeful.

At the end of January, I went on a retreat with a community of ladies I've become close to over the past ten years. Our cozy cottage sat just off the icy shores of Lake Ontario. On frigid walks we admired a beautiful lighthouse. She was the perfect symbol of resilience; standing tall while covered in ice and surrounded by frozen waves. 

All weekend we laughed, discussed, ate comfort foods, prayed for each other, and savored the time away from the demands of busy households. I rode home with my sister and we marveled at the flock of floating swans in the frigid lake with their necks tucked back into their feathers. The year was starting out more hopeful already in comparison to the past six months of lockdowns, cancelations, rules, and anger. Life would soon be getting back to some sort of normalcy. That was January. A few days later my mom was admitted to the hospital with multiple infections, fighting for her life. 

Twenty-five days later I was standing next to my mom in the ICU. I was saying good-bye for the last time while wearing a hospital gown, a mask, gloves, and a face shield. This wasn't how my mom would've have wanted her last moments on this earth to go. She would've wanted to talk to me, hug all her grandchildren once more, have us all together and surrounding her one last time. 

I am still trying, these many months later to adjust to the empty place where my mom used to be. A couple of weeks is not long enough to grasp the idea of the ending to a story that has always been. I'm thankful for her life and the ways she is memorialized in each life she brought into the world, each life she touched in some way. 

This summer I took my kids back to the shores of the lake with the lighthouse. There she was still standing tall in the sunshine while we splashed in the waves nearby. She was strong and beautiful taking the good with the bad, the sunshine with the storms.